Tuesday 28 January 2014

The Ginger Bear - (Final) Part Three

Next she went to the store that sold wool by the packet.
She had it in mind to make teddy a jacket,
And perhaps a hat too.

But what colour to choose? Something dark? Something light?
The green was too dull and the orange too bright.
She bought navy blue.

Then she went home and knitted and wondered who'd come
A girl or a boy? With a Dad or a Mum?
She'd just have to see.

She put on some lipstick and tidied the place,
And baked lots of cakes for whomever, in case
They stayed for some tea.

She waited and waited for two weeks or more,
Each day was expecting a knock at the door,
But nobody came.

"Well, teddy," she said, "no one's coming, that's clear.
We've become such good friends, you can have a home here.
We must give you a name."

"Now what shall it be? Are you Ella? Or Freddie?
I had no experience naming a teddy,
When I was a child."

"But my fish was called "Goldie"... my white dog was "Snow"...
My brown cat was "Brownie". You're ginger and so..."
And The Ginger Bear smiled.

The Ginger Bear - Part Two

She was brushing his fur when she had an idea,
And suddenly everything seemed very clear.
She finished her task.

"Come with me," she invited, and took his brown paw,
"I expect you were thrown by the children next door.
We'll go and we'll ask."

But "No," said the neighbour, "they have lots of bears,
And this is most certainly not one of theirs."
It started to rain.

Mrs Delaney walked into the street.
She looked up at the clouds. She looked down at her feet,
And was thinking again.

"We must place an advert, whatever the cost.
If a teddy's been found, then it must have been lost.
That makes good sense."

She wrote out a card without further delay,
Which she took to the shop for the advert display.
She paid sixty pence.

Sunday 26 January 2014

The Ginger Bear - Part One

Mrs Delaney peered out at the dawn,                               
And there in the garden, all slumped and forlorn,
Lay what looked like a teddy.

She untied her apron with no time to lose.
She took off her slippers and put on her shoes,
And at last she was ready.

Outside, by the roses, she blinked once or twice.
Yes! A teddy it was, and he seemed rather nice.
But why was he there?

She picked him up gently, her mind in a muddle.
She stroked his damp head and she gave him a cuddle,
And said, "Hello bear."

"Now you cannot have walked here, that's simply absurd!
Were you brought by a fox? Were you dropped by a bird?
Some time in the night?"

The teddy was ginger and not very old.
He'd been on wet grass. He looked sad. He felt cold.
And that just wasn't right.

"You need a hot bath, you're decidedly grubby.
And maybe some breakfast, although you're quite tubby."
They went back inside.

Mrs Delaney looked down at her guest.
She was worried about what to do for the best,
Now that teddy had dried.

Thursday 23 January 2014

Christine & Jim

Chris and Jim will celebrate,
So what might this involve?
What will be the mysteries
Those present have to solve?

To mark a year of wedded bliss,
A "magic brunch" is planned.
Will the food be conjured up
By spell, or sleight of hand?

Or will the process be reversed
As scoffing time draws near?
A waving hand to misdirect...
And brunch will disappear!

Congratulations, both of you:
Your lives are now complete.
Enjoy your day - (am hoping
That you've something left to eat).

Happy anniversary, Christine and Jim, on 26th January

Friday 17 January 2014

Husband tracked by GPS

Welcome to our new viewer from Slovakia. Your flag has been added to the "Hello World" blog of April 2013.

"I'm leaving here.I'm leaving this -
A GPS device.
My awful wife's been tracking me,
Which isn't very nice.

You're welcome to the gizmo,
Please take it far away."
Let's hope this harassed husband has
Found somewhere safe to stay.

The sorry spouse must surely
Have been feeling at low ebb.
His note, left at a roadside,
Has gone viral on the web.

There've been a few suggestions,
"Why not tie it to a cat?
She'll note you're prowling alleyways
And wonder where you're at."

"Leave it in a strip club, or a gay bar -
Then your wife
Will get screwed up by thinking
That you lead a double life."

"Stick it to a lorry."
"Throw it in the sea."
And one bloke said, "No thanks.The crazy cow
Might follow me!"

Sunday 12 January 2014

Holiday Surveys

Your holiday's over,
You take to the skies,
Now it's "Fill in this form
And you might win a prize.

Your feedback's important
Re: where have you been.
What was the food like?
Your room - was it clean?

Your answers inform us
Of where we go wrong,
So please get your pens out:
This won't take you long."

The process, however,
Is not all that quick.
There are pages and pages
Of boxes to tick.

And then you reach "lifestyle":
Things start to get tough.
Your hobbies, your income,
And similar stuff.

Is your mobile on contract?
Or pay-as-you go?
Have you sorted your pension?
They now need to know.

Charities - which ones
You'd like to support.
The TV you watch,
And the papers you've bought.

Improving your holiday?
Don't have a clue
How it helps to know when
My insurance is due!

(and, incidentally, what is a "flight only" holiday?)

Thursday 9 January 2014

Cuban hotels

Welcome to our new viewer from Croatia. You are our 70th different country and your flag has been added to the "Hello World" blog (April 2013).

The showerhead's decidely dodgy,
As it clings by one screw to the wall.
If you're lucky, you get a cool trickle,
As opposed to no water at all.

There's a vent by the bed that is dripping.
It is blasting out icy cold air.
Its "control" on the wall's a misnomer,
And the patio doors need repair.

The toilet won't flush - quite a problem -
It is missing key parts of its plumbing,
But all will be very well shortly,
As a man with some pliers is coming.

Your bath has no plug. You can't fill it.
So why is it there? you might think.
Is the hole to give access to livestock?
Is this why there's a frog in the sink?

You are right to be scared of the sockets,
(Assuming the power is still on)...
But your bedspread is fanned out and pleated,
And your towel has been shaped like a swan.

(This was week one, and then heaven!
A perfect hotel week two's chapter.
But the sockets were all European,
For which we had brought no adaptor.)

Wednesday 1 January 2014

Health & Safety

Happy New Year to everyone (now from 69 countries) who has viewed the Baa Baa Pink Sheep blogspot. Thank you.

In our house, we have very high ceilings,
So have ladders - tall, sturdy and stable.
When a light failed, we went off to fetch them,
And replacing the bulb thus enable.

When this didn't work, rang tame sparky.
"There's a bit of a problem here, Walt."
He agreed to come round soon to sort it.
Said, "I guess the transformer's at fault."

Our ladders were still in position.
We thought they would suit Walt just fine.
"Health and safety," he shook his head sadly,
"The rules say I have to use mine."

His seemed quite fragile and shaky.
They stood barely five feet from the floor.
To reach up, he'd struggle and wobble,
But, as Walt said, "The law is the law.

I've brought you a brand new transformer,"
(He was struggling to open the packet),
"But first I must make myself ready,"
Then he shrugged on a bright yellow jacket.

Said garment was ever so bulky,
Not designed to facilitate movement,
But visible, yes - so fluorescent.
Another great safety improvement.

"Now I must find my hard hat and goggles."
He proceded to put these things on.
"The goggles steam up when I'm working.
Now then, where have my special shoes gone?"

His boots were of leather with toe caps.
Said Walt, "They're a nice piece of kit.
Falling fuse wire can be quite a hazard.
It's a shame they're too big and don't fit."

At last, he declared himself ready,
Resplendent in all his fine gear.
Couldn't see, couldn't move, couldn't function,
But was risk-free, with nothing to fear.