Friday 16 December 2016

My not so clever computer (again)

At short breaks, it has sussed I've been looking -
As a change from my normal abode -
But why is it offering Barnsley,
Which is dull and is just up the road?

Floaty tops in the style that I favour,
Have popped up in a series of pics.
But they're 22 plus and enormous.
I'm quite small and I take a size six.

It knows I've been searching for hoodies.
There's a photo of one I'd adore.
It is grey, furry-lined, warm and cosy -
And the largest on offer's AGE FOUR.

Some "Big Brother" has clearly been watching,
He has twigged what I've thought of procuring.
But he still doesn't know all about me:
It's a notion that's so reassuring.

Friday 9 December 2016

Cleaning glass decanters

My crystal wine decanters
Had gone dullish over time.
A wash in soapy water
Never could remove the grime.

Inside, a sort of whitish film
Was all that could be seen.
I tried all kinds of methods,
In a quest for sparkling clean.

I bought some strange ball bearings.
With some water these are shaken.
They are said to scour the debris,
But that claim is much mistaken.

A foam had proved successful,
On those bath tub soap/lime rings.
Sprayed on, it doesn't run straight down
But dutifully clings.

"If it works," thought I, "on scummy stuff,
Those products of ablution,
Then it ought to be quite good on glass."
It wasn't the solution...

In I squirted it. It frothed straight out.
Did not remove the tarnish.
But the wretched stuff went everywhere,
And stripped my nails of varnish.

I looked on-line for methods
That would make my glass less drab.
And one idea had some appeal -
A denture cleaning tab.

Three Steradents I duly crushed,
(When whole, they didn't fit.)
Would the end result be worth it?
No, they didn't help one bit.

So I reached for Flash - a liquid.
It is green and not that thick.
And, swirled round the inner surface,
This product did the trick!

Wednesday 7 September 2016

My not so clever computer

Welcome to new viewers in Nigeria

My computer's very clever
With those "pop-up" ads it shows.
These feature skirts and dresses
And I wonder how it knows
All my favourite styles and colours
For dresses, tops and skirts.
I rarely place and order,
But a quick look never hurts...

Has it tracked my on-line browsing?
Does it follow what I've bought?
Seems it knows my taste in music,
And can read my every thought.
BUT I look up local weather...
Local why,
When I clearly live in Sheffield,
Does it think I live in Rye?

Monday 1 February 2016

Nouns, adjectives and verbs

For all children trying to get to grips with basic parts of speech...

A clown is a noun,
London Town is a noun.
Nouns are people and places and things.
Anna's gown is a noun,
Elsa's crown is a noun,
So are toys, cars, spaghetti and kings.

Adjectives tell
How nouns feel, how they smell,
How they taste, how they sound, how they look.
A rice grain is small.
A mountain is tall.
What shape is a coin - or a book?

Salty chips, nice sweet pies,
Red berries, blue eyes.
Prickly hedgehogs and melted ice cream.
Cheesy old socks,
Chiming grandfather clocks,
Fluffy ducks and a scary bad dream.

Verbs - what nouns do.
Horses gallop. Cows moo.
Bottle tops untwist and twist.
Babies cry. People talk.
Rabbits run, hop and walk.
And some things just simply exist.

Adverbs are fun,
Say how things are done
And spotting them's easy - just try.
The song was sung sweetly...
The gift is wrapped neatly.
They usually end in "LY".

(Note. Adverbs also describe adjectives and other adverbs. 'Very' is an adverb. Whilst the vast majority end with 'LY', words such as 'rather' and 'somewhat' are also adverbs.)