It seemed I'd won a voucher
But must register to claim.
They already knew my email,
And my whereabouts and name.
These details I re-enter:
It seems innocent enough.
But they then ask for my income
And all that sort of stuff.
I complete a few more sections,
And suspicious now I feel.
Surely all this isn't needed
Just for five pounds off a meal?
My task is thus abandoned,
But the damage has been done,
For am instantly bombarded
With junk mail by the ton.
There are holidays to tempt me...
I've been mis-sold PPI.
The plans I need for "later life"
Will cash in when I die.
My home, it needs "upgrading".
I can learn another lingo.
I can play with bonus money
If I sign up with Wink Bingo.
For all manner of insurance
I can get a quick quotation...
I've been injured (so they tell me)
And "deserve" some compensation.
A psychic's seen my future:
"Good luck's due" she advises.
She's right because my inbox
Is jam packed with "claim now" prizes.
I've been "chosen" to receive a bunch
Of great "exclusive" offers.
Buying bags and shoes I do not need
Will drain our household coffers.
Casinos want my custom -
For free spins I've qualified.
Though I'm female and am married,
There awaits a Russian bride.
Wouldn't want to disappoint her,
Which is something we blokes dread,
But that discount on Viagra
Ought to help me out in bed!