Tuesday 18 February 2014

A poem for football addicks (updated team nicknames 2013-2014 season)

Welcome to our new viewers from Austria, Qatar and Macedonia (FYROM).
Your flags have been added to the "Hello World" blog (April 2013).

The nicknames of the teams that play in England's football league,
Are sometimes very obvious, and sometimes may intrigue.
Each one of them is mentioned in these rhyming acrobatics,
We'll start with one that mystifies - just what the hech are latics?

There is a range of colours, mostly patriotic hues,
Sky blues*, whites and lilywhites*, one red, two more plain blues.

Toffees...cherries...tangerines don't make for balanced dinners,
Though to fend off indigestion, those fine clarets may prove winners.
No "shots" now of the stronger stuff - so tempting for a few -
But guess the vast majority drink what the brewers brew.

When it comes to animals, enough for sev'ral zoos...
Stags, shrews...sheep aplenty, for the rams have got two "U"s.
Black cats, lions, tigers all fit into feline boxes,
Whilst the terriers are canine types, along with wolves and foxes.
There are shrimps and a cod army, which in water all survive,
(Though they wouldn't if they couldn't breathe: their gills keep them alive.)

For budding ornithologists are lots of birds to pluck,
To start a brace of magpies (for just one would bring bad luck).
We have sharp-clawed eagles, which have preying on their minds,
Whilst swans and gulls and seagulls are all webbed or swimming kinds.
Next canaries, bluebirds, bantams, three robins and the owls:
We'll add flying bees and hornets, though they're insects and not fowls.

We can classify the workers, who perform their chosen task,
The millers mill, the potters pot, the cottagers - don't ask.
We've tractor boys and railwaymen, we have the awesome gunners,
And as "goffers", we have trotters and three rovers but no runners.
Another pair of craftsmen both relate to types of seating,
Though the chairboys and the saddlers won't for custom be competing.

Of seasiders, a handful, as befits an island nation,
The pirates buckle swash, and shrimpers nab the odd crustacean,
The mariners have sadly sunk to where the fish get caught,
Though Pompey must mean something of a nautical import.

And if the right accessory's the sort of thing that matters,
We've cobblers, glovers, baggies (but we've now lost both the hatters.)
The royals can afford such things (and mansions with a pool,)
And the posh with dosh go shopping just to make themselves look cool.
Through forest, dale and boro they will sport their trendy clothes:
Silkmen used to make their stockings (whilst the poor man dons* plain "O"s).

The right tool spurs the will of those in heavy metal trades:
Thus the iron and the hammers and those ever-steely blades
That we put in handy Stanley knives (once opened and rescrewed),
Or the daggers (to be kept away from those in murd'rous mood.)

There is a bunch of villans, crooked spireites and some tykes,
We've a couple of red devils and their mischief-making likes,
But on the side of righteousness, some movers and some shakers:
Pilgrims, saints and minstermen, the valients (no quakers).

Were they settlers? Were they exiles? Did they just dream up the name?
Do the Grecians have connections with a land from whence they came?
The Cumbrians, however, is a very pointed clue.
The superhoops (or sometimes "R"s) complete our ninety-two.

* 2 teams with same nickname

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