Friday, 1 March 2013

A poem for football addicks (team nicknames 2012-2013 season)

The nicknames of the teams that play in England's football league,
Are sometimes very obvious and sometimes may intrigue.
Each one of them is mentioned in these rhyming acrobatics.
We'll start with one that mystifies: just what the heck are latics?

There is a range of colours, mostly patriotic hues,
Sky blues*, whites and lilywhites, the reds, two more plain blues.

Toffees...cherries...tangerines don't make for balance dinners,
Though to fend off indigestion those fine clarets may prove winners.
Or shots of something stronger may be tempting for a few,
But guess the vast majority drink what the brewers brew.

When it comes to animals, enough for sev'ral zoos,
With shrews and sheep aplenty, for the rams have got two "U"s.
Black cats, lions, tigers all fit into feline boxes,
Whilst terriers are canine types, along with wolves and foxes.
There are shrimps and a cod army, which in water all survive,
(Though they wouldn't if they couldn't breathe: their gills keep them alive.)

For budding ornithologists are lots of birds to pluck:
To start, a brace of magpies (for just one would bring bad luck).
We have the sharp-clawed eagles, which have preying on their minds,
Whilst swans and gulls and seagulls are all webbed and swimming kinds.
Next canaries, bluebirds, bantams, three robins and the owls:
We'll add flying bees* and hornets, though they're insects and not fowls.

We can classify the workers, who perform their chosen task:
The millers mill, the potters pot, the cottagers - don't ask.
We've tractor boys and railwaymen, we have the awesome gunners,
And as "goffers", we have trotters and three rovers but no runners.
Another pair of craftsmen both relate to types of seating,
Though the chairboys and the saddlers won't for custom be competing.

Of seasiders a handful, as befits an island nation:
The pirates buckle swash, and shrimpers nab the odd crustacean.
The mariners have sadly sunk to where the fish get caught,
But Pompey must mean something of a nautical import.

If the right accessory's the sort of thing that matters,
We've cobblers, glovers, baggies (but we've now lost both the hatters).
The royals can afford such things (and mansions with a pool),
And the posh with dosh go shopping, just to make themselves look cool.
Through forest, dale and borough, they will sport their trendy clothes:
Silkmen used to make their stockings, (whilst the poor man dons* plain "O"s).

The right tool spurs the will of those in heavy metal trades:
Thus the iron and the hammers and those ever-steely blades
That we put in handy Stanley knives (once opened and rescrewed),
Or the daggers (to be kept away from those in murd'rous mood).

There is a bunch of villans, crooked Spirerites and some tykes,
We've a couple of red devils and their mischief-making likes.
But, on the side of righteousness, some movers and some shakers:
Pilgrims, saints and minstermen, the valiants and quakers.

The Grecians are a mystery: they hail from who knows where?
(They may, in their two thousand form, be used to treat grey hair.)
The Cumbrians, however, have a name which gives a clue.
The superhoops (or sometimes "R"s) complete our ninety-two.


* 2 teams with same nickname

This verse is being posted at the special request of Steve B

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