Billy the ghost sniffer dog

Freddie had been dreaming
And was feeling rather scared.
He thought a ghost was in his room,
But Mummy was prepared.

She went and woke up Billy
For the small boy knows full well
That terriers are hunters,
With a well-honed sense of smell.

The dog was told quite simply
What his mission was about:
To investigate the bedroom,
And to sniff the blighter out.

The search was then conducted.
Tail a-wagging off Bill went.
He examined every corner,
But of spooks there was no scent.

Any spectre that was hiding
Could not remain un-found.
But no wraith was slyly lurking
As Bill wandered nose to ground.

There simply were no phantoms
In the places he explored,
So Freddie could go back to sleep,
Completely reassured.

For details of my other books - Britannia's Glory and James the Third - please see the blog/post of each, both dated October 2024.

I've had it with Orange email

The address I had been using
For a dozen years or more,
Was sadly now "not valid"
Like it used to be before.

I'd had enough of Orange
And did not know what to do...
Tried ringing several numbers...
Kept on hold and not put through...

Heard the same old wretched "music"
As my ear stuck to the phone...
So I joined a helpful chat room,
And no longer felt alone.

"What's going on?" folk queried -
Without doubt a valid question -
Then "try this" a kind chap posted,
And it proved a good suggestion.

I hung on for just ten minutes...
A real person DID respond,
He understood the problem,
And he waved some magic wand.

He said he'd changed my password,
(But not by very much).
The new one seemed to function,
And I now was back in touch.

But I wouldn't stay with Orange...
Had suffered for too long...
I would switch and write to everyone...
How could this scheme go wrong?

I would work through all addresses:
The task would be a breeze,
But my "Contacts list" then vanished,
And I'd only reached the Cs.

For details of my other books - Britannia's Glory and James the Third - please see the blog/post of each, both dated October 2024.

Ella and Freddie's day at the zoo

The children had no school
And we thought it would be cool,
To go out for the day to Chester Zoo.
All the world, it would appear,
Has the very same idea,
And just to park, we face a lengthy queue.

But our spirits soon revive,
Once we finally arrive,
With our bag of what we needed to subsist.
Through a crowd not yet dispersed,
The elephants are first,
And the Monkey House is next upon the list.

"Funny bottoms" cause some glee,
But then Ella needs a wee,
And a toilet-quest begins at her insistence,
There's a cage along the way,
With one hunched up bird of prey,
And we glimpse giraffes, but only from a distance.

Next on pumas we're deciding,
But they've all gone into hiding.
Other creatures, too, seem wary of exposure.
Have they somehow been diverted?
All the compounds seem deserted,
As we pass yet more one critter-less enclosure.

But at last there's a "hurray!"
A snack bar saves the day.
It sells lollies and we can't believe our luck.
Then, much to their delight,
Something waddles into sight.
The kids are both entranced. It is a duck.

A lioness lies snoring,
Which admittedly is boring,
And we soon get tired of motionless big cats.
Freddie has a scheme in mind,
Which proves difficult to find,
But at length we're in the Forest of the Bats.

It is dark. The fake sky's inky.
"I smell poo! It's really stinky!"
Above us, swooping shadows we can see,
'neath an artificial moon,
I long to get out soon,
Before one of those black things lands on me.

No matter how we tried,
Our map still mystified:
The zebra and the bears we cannot spot.
Of some cheetahs, just a peep,
Then the children find a jeep.
It's for playing on, and this they do - a lot.

Rhinos don't have what it takes.
We view tigers, turtles, snakes,
Orang-utans and varied types of pig.
With a few they are impressed,
But the creatures they like best,
Are some ants which carry leaves along a twig!

For details of my other books - Britannia's Glory and James the Third - please see the blog/post of each, both dated October 2024.

Easter

The New Year never seems quite right
For making resolutions,
For looking at the way we live,
For life-style type ablutions.

Then heaven-sent, along comes Lent:
Some folk new vows are taking,
To give up what they most enjoy,
Their pleasures thus forsaking.

No doubt the whole experience
Could prove a double winner:
An empathy with sacrifice,
And becoming somewhat thinner.

But early spring's undoubtedly
The best time for review,
When nature is awakening
And all is fresh and new.

A small green shoot... the sun's brief warmth...
Can kick-start self-inspection.
Now everyone must surely feel,
The power of resurrection.

For details of my other books - Britannia's Glory and James the Third - please see the blog/post of each, both dated October 2024.

Getting out of debt

Spend more than your income and you'll surely end up broke.
The effort to get solvent is a very heavy yoke.

If you borrow what you can't repay, you're on a downwards spiral,
And the only real solution is a lot of self-denial.

Anyone who's been there knows you really feel the pinch,
But you have to keep on going, though it may be inch by inch.

Buying what you can't afford will only make things worse,
When you owe a lot of money, and there's nothing in your purse.

You practise your economies. You lie awake at night.
The tunnel may seem very dark, but at the end there's light.

In time you reach the sunshine (that assumes you've kept on track).
Then you know the pain was worth it: there's no way you would go back.

This applies to individuals, and also to a nation.
But Labour landed Britain with this self-same situation.

Our debt was quite enormous just a government ago.
"Did you spend too much?" the question. And Ed Miliband said, "No"! 

For details of my other books - Britannia's Glory and James the Third - please see the blog/post of each, both dated October 2024.

Royal baby names

As you probably knew:
A royal baby is due,
A prince or princess we're getting.
But which will it be?
We must just wait and see.
Until then, there's a flurry of betting.

On events that are major,
We all like a wager:
Will the infant be fair, dark - or bald?
And the odds can be checked,
On returns to expect
If you've guessed what the child will be called.

Elizabeth? Mary?
The bookies are wary:
What you'd win for such choices not great.
Ditto Arthur or James,
Both historical names,
And forget about Charlotte or Kate.

You could win sums with zeros,
For Great British heroes:
Horatio, Winston and co.
Of our small island nation,
Both proved the salvation.
One died half a century ago.

To remember Wills' mum,
Sounds appealing to some,
As a tribute that's fitting in manner,
To bestow such a label,
He may not feel able,
And choose Frances, instead of Diana.

If you want to be savvy,
Steer clear of the chavvy:
Though you'd get decent odds, think again.
And I don't rate too highly
The chances of Kylie,
Nor of Tiffany, Royston and Shane.

All the lists are omitting
A name that's quite fitting
Why it's not there just serves to bewilder.
The girl should have been
Our country's first queen...
Which is why I'll be backing Matilda.

For details of my other books - Britannia's Glory and James the Third - please see the blog/post of each, both dated October 2024.

More problems with Orange

Once more my spirit droops,
As I see the message "oops"
And wonder at this Sunday morning sport.
Things clearly are not right:
There's an "issue" with their site,
Which accessing my emails serves to thwart.

A message I'm awaiting
So this really is frustrating,
The replies I need to write are incomplete.
Orange needs to sort it out -
Of that there is no doubt -
Or else I shall be voting with my feet.

For details of my other books - Britannia's Glory and James the Third - please see the blog/post of each, both dated October 2024.