Commissioned verse

Two years ago, I decided it would be fun to share some of these website verses with small audiences and therefore signed up as a Women's Institute speaker. Recently, the ladies at my very first 'gig' (a small group in Derbyshire) invited me to return. They asked if I could write a verse specially for them about vacuum cleaners - a topic which had somehow cropped up anecdotally. (A friend of their had bought one of those automatic disc gizmos that float around the floor. It couldn't be turned off and had wreaked havoc.)

Researching the topic, I asked AI to come up with 'horror stories about vacuum cleaners'. The results read like something from Edgar Allan Poe. Here's the resultant offering.

Sue purchase an old farmhouse:

She liked its kitchen range.

But, shortly after moving in,

Her vacuum acted strange.

It never needed plugging in...

Refused to be manoeuvred,

And every time she emptied it

There was more there than she'd hoovered.

Broken earrings...scraps of paper...

A length of Brighton rock...

A pen top...a guitar string...

And a lacy-edged child's sock.

One night, she heard a funny sound.

From the closet it was coming.

She went to look. The hose jumped out.

The vac was gently humming.

Next day, the house is spotless

Save a single high-heeled shoe.

The dust bag's warm and bulging,

And there is no sign of Sue.

 

Owls

 The owl is a nocturnal bird.

 It's busy in the night,

 And more often pictured sitting

 Than in action or in flight.

 Their groups are known as parliaments,

 Which may be a surprise,

 For unlike most politicians,

 These avians are wise.

 The sound they make - a twit twoo - 

 Is a haunting, hooting song.

 And here's a fact that's little known...

 Their legs are very long.

James the Third

James the Third (Unicorn, 2022) - a novel                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    February 1949 brings the shock news that the queen has given birth to a baby boy, who leapfrogs his older sister, Princess Elizabeth, in the line of succession to the British throne. Three years later, George VI dies.

How does the young king's reign affect the royal family? Who is his regent? What happens when he rebels and starts to mingle unrecognised amongst his subjects - much to the disapproval of his slightly older nephew, Prince Charles? And, in later years, after King James has been forced to marry a 'suitable' bride, what scandal is unearthed by Glaswegian investigative journalist, Rab Rainsmith?

This book offers an insight into life behind the closed doors of Buckingham Palace - perfect for fans of The Crown. A parallel tale of two sisters from London's East End (royal fans Lil and Peggy) exemplifies public reaction to unfolding events and describes the transformation of society from post-war austerity through to the last decade of the twentieth century.                                                                 

James the Third is available to order from Amazon:                                                                                    https://www.amazon.co.uk/James-Third-Maggie-Ballinger/dp/191441456X 

from Waterstones: (may be available in-store)                                                                                              https://www.waterstones.com/book/james-the-third/maggie-ballinger/9781914414565 

and from Unicorn Publishing group:                                                                                                            https://www.unicornpublishing.org/page/detail/james-the-third/?k=9781914414565    

                                                                                                 

 

Britannia's Glory - A Maritime Story

Britannia's Glory - A Maritime Story (Uniform, 2019)                                                                              Great Britain's Seafaring History Told In Verse                                                                                          

  

Since before Great Britain became an island, through the age when supremacy at sea established the largest empire the world has known, and moving right up to the present day, the nation's maritime history is told in a unique way, in this celebratory gift book - Britannia's Glory.

Written in memorable verse, with narrative side notes, quotations and a number of original drawings, it is designed to be easily digested and dipped into, (rather than swallowed whole). Offering comprehensive coverage, its topics include piracy, privateering, disappearing villages, smuggling, seaside resorts, the iniquitous slave trade and why the seas round our coast afford limitless potential for the production of renewable energy. The reader will discover elements such as wars, battles and (sometimes unconventional) naval tactics, alongside ship development, fishing, trade, ports, dockyards, lighthouses, maps and navigation.

There are tales of settlers, mutineers, heroic explorers and daring saboteurs, as well as ingenious inventors and other land-based folk earning their livings manufacturing rope or gutting herring. All contributed to a British history that looks so very different when viewed from the sea.

As a country, we may not know where we're going, but we certainly know where we've come from.

British fishermen, crusaders,                                                                                                                        Explorers, smugglers, traders,                                                                                                                      Inventors, convicts, settlers in the hold.                                                                                                        Pirates, shipwrights, whalers,                                                                                                                            And our navies' trusted sailors:                                                                                                                  Presented here, in verse, their history's told.                                                                                                       

Available to order from Amazon:                                                                                                                https://www.amazon.co.uk/Britannias-Glory-Maritime-Britains-Seafaring/dp/1912690160 

from Waterstones:                                                                                                                                      https://www.waterstones.com/book/britannias-glory-a-maritime-story/maggie-ballinger/9781912690169

and from Unicorn Publishing Group:                                                                                                        http://www.unicornpublishing.org/page/detail/britannias-Glory-A-Maritime-Story/?K=9781912690169                                                                                                                                                                       

Limerick

Greetings to Singapore,

Which visits here more and more. 

It is very good news,

This upsurge in views,

Which has now reached an all-time-best score.

My thanks to whomever is viewing in Singapore at the moment. I've had more than 7,000 visits from you in the last week - a record 'high' from one country. 

For details of my other books - Britannia's Glory and James the Third - please see the blog/post of each, both dated October 2024.

RIP Your Majesty

Her Majesty has slipped away,

And now re-joins her 'Strength and stay'.

Together for eternity.

Thank you, Ma'am, and RIP.

For details of my other books - Britannia's Glory and James the Third - please see the blog/post of each, both dated October 2024.

The English throne

We were ruled by Italians, then governed by Danes.

Next, a French Duke turned up and took over the reigns.

When the Tudor line died out, along came a Scot.

Then a Dutch Prince arrived here, believe it or not.

There followed the Germans, our future to forge:

Hanoverian kings, who were mostly named George.

After 1914, when the world went to war,

Our crown was rebranded - as British once more.

For details of my other books - Britannia's Glory and James the Third - please see the blog/post of each, both dated October 2024.