Two years ago, I decided it would be fun to share some of these website verses with small audiences and therefore signed up as a Women's Institute speaker. Recently, the ladies at my very first 'gig' (a small group in Derbyshire) invited me to return. They asked if I could write a verse specially for them about vacuum cleaners - a topic which had somehow cropped up anecdotally. (A friend of their had bought one of those automatic disc gizmos that float around the floor. It couldn't be turned off and had wreaked havoc.)
Researching the topic, I asked AI to come up with 'horror stories about vacuum cleaners'. The results read like something from Edgar Allan Poe. Here's the resultant offering.
Sue purchase an old farmhouse:
She liked its kitchen range.
But, shortly after moving in,
Her vacuum acted strange.
It never needed plugging in...
Refused to be manoeuvred,
And every time she emptied it
There was more there than she'd hoovered.
Broken earrings...scraps of paper...
A length of Brighton rock...
A pen top...a guitar string...
And a lacy-edged child's sock.
One night, she heard a funny sound.
From the closet it was coming.
She went to look. The hose jumped out.
The vac was gently humming.
Next day, the house is spotless
Save a single high-heeled shoe.
The dust bag's warm and bulging,
And there is no sign of Sue.